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The Onion, News Thump Ma Anche Lercio: Best Of


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#1 corrigan

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Inviato 20 March 2016 - 13:08 PM

Il titolo dice tutto, ormai e' da anni che ci sono rimasto sotto. Oggi The Onion ha rispolverato questo capolavoro:

 

Biden Worries Legalized Weed In D.C. Will Cut Into His Business

 

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WASHINGTON—Claiming that his operation would be “completely dicked over” by an influx of product, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly became increasingly worried this week that the recent legalization of marijuana in Washington, D.C. could seriously cut into his business.

Biden, who White House sources confirmed had significantly increased his annual marijuana sales after swiping a state-of-the-art hydroponics unit from a gardening supplies store back in 2012, expressed frustration at the possibility that legalizing the drug would wreak havoc on all of his investments.

“Aw, Christ, now everyone will be growing their own herb,” said a visibly upset Biden, adding that he was “raking it in” before D.C. voters approved “that horseshit” Marijuana Legalization Initiative in a ballot measure last November. “Don’t get me wrong, Uncle Joe is slinging the dankest nugs in town. But who’s going to call me up for an eighth of Purple Trainwreck if they can just grab some buds from their own homegrown stash?”

“Sure as shit no one’s hauling ass all the way to the Lincoln Memorial to meet up with me to score some cheeba anymore,” the vice president continued.

 

 

“Dynamite Joe had a nice little thing going for himself, and it’d be a damn shame for some stupid law to come along and fuck up the good times,” said Biden, who reportedly asked White House aides if President Obama could pull a few strings and make legalized cannabis go away. “You can ask anyone on the Hill and they’ll tell you Uncle Joe is always good for a fat sack. I never short or skimp anyone. And my shit is never all seeds and stems like the bunk ditch weed that Mikulski hawks.”

“Fucker’s bags are always light,” added Biden. “And that cheap-ass stuff just crashes you out.”

Despite the obstacles that marijuana legalization will present, Biden remained confident that his quarter pound of magic mushrooms would still bring in “serious green” for the foreseeable future.


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I distrust orthodoxies, especially orthodoxies of dissent

君とあたしは未来派 恋のテクニシャン


#2 corrigan

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Inviato 20 March 2016 - 13:11 PM

Aggiungo un classico nostrano:

 

Renzi parla a Strasburgo in inglese e per sbaglio dichiara guerra all’Ucraina

 

renzi.jpg?resize=620%2C400


  • 3

I distrust orthodoxies, especially orthodoxies of dissent

君とあたしは未来派 恋のテクニシャン


#3 auslöschung

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Inviato 20 March 2016 - 18:43 PM

beh, clickhole (per filiazione da onion) è di gran lunga la cosa non-emergente più divertente dell'internet. e da almeno un paio d'anni. le clickventures [2] uguale +1.

 

tieni, corrigan


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#4 ravintola

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Inviato 21 March 2016 - 09:58 AM

Mi piacciono molto gli scoop sulla gente con problemi esistenziali. Di solito sono il momento piu' ilare della mia settimana.

 

PedE1EC.jpg

 

http://www.theonion....-last-addit-322

 

 

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http://www.clickhole...ough-nothi-2837

 

 

ce n'erano altri che mi avevano colpito, adesso mi spremo un po' per ricordarmeli


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¯\_(ツ)_/¯


#5 gigiriva

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Inviato 22 March 2016 - 18:41 PM

un po' di titoli che mi ero salvato:

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#6 veryc

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    E i ramo' ?

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Inviato 22 March 2016 - 18:58 PM

Lercio è ormai in caduta libera, ma è stato per lungo tempo uno spasso incredibile. Ci sono davvero tante notizie finte geniali a cui hanno abboccato una miriade di boccaloni spernacchiati pubblicamente


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Ha già fatto tutto Black Mirror

 


#7 corrigan

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Inviato 23 March 2016 - 08:15 AM

in tema ravintoliano:

 

io, oggi

 

http://www.theonion....t-1058-am-32181

 

Man Says 'Fuck It,' Eats Lunch At 10:58 A.M.

CHICAGO—Reasoning that he’s a grown adult who can eat food whenever he damn well pleases, local man Kyle Dunedin, 30, reportedly decided at 10:58 a.m. Wednesday that, fuck it, he was ready for lunch. “Who cares?” Dunedin said before putting on his jacket and leaving his office for a nearby sandwich shop. “It’s almost 11 o’clock, and I’m hungry. Do I give a flying fuck that it’s still morning? No, I do not. I’m getting food right now, and no one can do a goddamn thing to stop me.” According to sources, at 1:35 p.m. Dunedin had determined that, fuck it, if his coworkers were heading out, there was no reason he couldn’t join them and eat lunch again.


  • 4

I distrust orthodoxies, especially orthodoxies of dissent

君とあたしは未来派 恋のテクニシャン


#8 gigiriva

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Inviato 25 March 2016 - 18:56 PM

o310Cnm.jpg

 

http://www.clickhole...ame-google-2226


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#9 gigiriva

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Inviato 29 March 2016 - 16:23 PM

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#10 Jet

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Inviato 29 March 2016 - 18:38 PM

Lercio è ormai in caduta libera

 

Ogni tanto però calano ancora qualche asso:

 

Aereo Egypt Air dirottato su Cipro. Rilasciato ostaggio italiano: “Non la smetteva di applaudire”


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#11 bosforo

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Inviato 30 March 2016 - 22:50 PM

Steso
http://www.theonion....lready-de-29685

Mi ha fatto pensare a un misto tra l'arresto dello spettatore di Maurizio Mosca e la morte di Franco Scoglio
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#12 corrigan

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Inviato 31 March 2016 - 01:12 AM

 

Lercio è ormai in caduta libera

 

Ogni tanto però calano ancora qualche asso:

 

Aereo Egypt Air dirottato su Cipro. Rilasciato ostaggio italiano: “Non la smetteva di applaudire”

 

questa mi ha ricordato una che metto tranquillamente nella top 5 di Onion

 

Malaysia Airlines Expands Investigation To Include General Scope Of Space, Time

 

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http://www.theonion....o-include-35524


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I distrust orthodoxies, especially orthodoxies of dissent

君とあたしは未来派 恋のテクニシャン


#13 bosforo

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Inviato 31 March 2016 - 15:04 PM

Questa mi stende ogni volt

 

Geese think they are hard

 

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GEESE are inexplicably convinced that they are hard as nails, it has emerged.

Farmyard and lake-based geese confirmed their intention to smash your head in despite only weighing about a stone.

Goose Tom Booker said: “One step closer and I’ll take you down to Chinatown.

“You, me, any time, any place, let’s do this.”

Geese confirmed that their favourite film is Roadhouse starring Patrick Swayze, and that although they were far smaller than other ‘hard birds’ like swans and ostriches it is all muscle.

Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: “When geese give it large, they aren’t messing around. Unlike swans, which are mostly just fronting, geese are aggressive, cocky, and won’t hesitate to call you out if they think they’ve been disrespected.”

“When a goose stands up straight, spreads its wings and starts hissing, it is saying: come at me, bro.”


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#14 ravintola

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Inviato 24 May 2016 - 11:50 AM

OsRKKN9.png

 

http://www.thedailym...-20160523109020


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#15 bosforo

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Inviato 24 May 2016 - 11:54 AM

Families heading to Syria lured by fake Trip Advisor reviews

http://newsthump.com...dvisor-reviews/

L'immagine asd asd
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#16 ravintola

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Inviato 30 May 2016 - 12:29 PM

DWujOX1.png

 

http://www.theonion....ffect-pla-52985

 

(cross-reference con topic "Terapia di gruppo la contemporaneita'"


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#17 ravintola

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Inviato 07 June 2016 - 09:30 AM

trovato in me_irl ma va bene lo stesso perche' mi ci rispecchio molto  ashd

 

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#18 bosforo

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Inviato 10 June 2016 - 21:18 PM

Più per il titolo che per l'articolo

http://newsthump.com...chained-melody/
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#19 ravintola

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Inviato 13 June 2016 - 12:09 PM

gbEAb7O.png

 

http://www.theonion....ions-whil-50650


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#20 gigiriva

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Inviato 30 June 2016 - 06:55 AM

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:


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